Friday, 29 May 2015

Filled with a Massive Amount of Regret


I woke up this morning with a huge sense of dread and regret. This has been building up over the last month or so, and I think it finally boiled over today. Remember back in January where I was celebrating my unemployment, yeah that's long over. I've been feeling and feel it heavily now that I made the biggest mistake leaving my job the way I did. At the time, all the stress and panic attacks just got to me, and I thought at the time I was making the best decision ever. Wrong!

My job wasn't the greatest, in fact I hated it at times. But at other times, it was actually great if I'm being honest. The people I worked with were the best people ever, and I miss them so much!! I also knew my job, and not to brag but I did it very well. Plus my hours were amazing! I worked 4 days on, and then had 4 days off, working 6-2 everytime. That is amazing, and I'll never get that again! How could I give that up! I actually feel sick with regret just thinking about it.

At the time, I just needed time away and what I should have done is gone on stress leave or something instead of just up and quitting with no guarantee of getting another job. My "plan" wasn't foolproof, it was stupid! I made a stupidly wrong decision, and I regret it so much right now.

This keeps happening! I make a decision that at the time I think is great, and then a few months down the line, I realize how dumb that was and wish I could go back and tell myself "no, don't do this! there's other ways to go about it!" but you can't change the past, and I'm not sure how to go forward just yet. I screwed myself over, and now I just feel horrible.

Sorry this post is just a whole bunch of moaning and venting. But this is my little space on the internet to be me and say what I want to say, and today I need to vent and let it all out because I've been bottling this up for quite some time now.

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